I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
