there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
