between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
