I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
