I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
