I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
