How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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