nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
