Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
