woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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