I would go down on you faster than GM stock
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
