I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
