I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
