You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
