Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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