Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
