Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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