you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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