I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
