the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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