An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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