ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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