remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
