dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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