so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
