They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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