i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
