So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
