Just cropdusted the office
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
