Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
