im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
