Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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