i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
