i just wanna soil my oats bro
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
