How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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