Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
