I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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