I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
