I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
