omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
