if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
