my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I need to stop coming to work sober
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
