I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
