I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
