We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
porn star boner night. come get it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
