i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
