I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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