WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
