What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
