So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
