I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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