Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
