I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
